What Does It Feel Like to be 20

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I am that kind of person who rarely check on calendar; whether it is on phone or planner I mostly never utilize both. I always go for a person and ask him straightforwardly for what date or day it is today. I have acknowledged this habit as something bad just before I turn 20 later in this month. There have been lots of special moments I missed because of this carelessness. I was sorry though, but it is not like there is something I can do to make myself better.

So, I have missed lots of my significant others’ birthday, but magically I never forgot mine. I am impressed of myself too for not forgetting the biggest day on my life which also turns out to be the day I loathe the most.

And there goes the reason why …

The older I am the more I become depressed of myself. Strange, isn’t it? Or, anyone else who is in the same boat as me? I am so worn out of this bad side of mine that never changed as the time goes by. Year to year I always promised myself to be better than before on many aspects which mostly directly thrown out to the junkyard. I even couldn’t keep the promise to myself, how about other? In short, I always tried to reflect on myself though I knew it would be useless. However, I am still trying.

And why does 20 – this number – seem big to me and most of other earthlings?

As for me, a 20-year-old looks like someone who is dependable, resilient, responsible, and have this charm that always makes him/her looks confident. I scoot closer my medium sized mirror to examine myself, do I have those characteristics I have always dreamed of? In the speed of LTE I answer it with “no”.

I often broke the promises I made to my classmates. I often wept on small stuffs as if it would be the end of the world at the next day. For responsibility wise, at the time I wrote this post I am still postponing my schedule to do spring cleaning – and yes, Mom gets really mad at me who keep being a true procrastinator until the very end. There goes on and on the list of my ugliness.

You may ew me, because I do so to myself!

That’s why, being a 20-years-old is counted as something big to me! It can be my turn point in life! I want to be born as someone new! As fresh as a pink blouse that has just been picked out of the laundry – or a bottle of Evian facial spray. Can you imagine how refreshing both are?

So, for the past few days I have been extremely determined to fix my personality to achieve that hyperbole dream of mine. I sought for help and some guides from … Google.

If you follow me to type “what does it feel like to be 20” you will find a line of website that jabbers about how irritating it is to be 20 and so on, so please don’t. First, because they knew what they are talking is right. Second, it is very saddening because you know their twaddle are 100% correct and relatable – up to the point where my friends who became 20 earlier than me nod their heads to those facts.

I go ahead for almost 24 hours full of self-motivation session conducted by Google, and I am glad I do it.

Although 20 seems like a big deal for almost everyone – day and night loaded with works, tragic financial condition, self-identity crisis – however that gracious thing hidden under this 20-something number is made up of tears and light, right?

To be a 20-years-old means …

I will be capable of making decision for myself, and I am sure whatever it turns out to I will not regret it,

I will be able to go further from the place I have ever been before and start a journey on my own,

I will be able to stay awake up until late at night to do K-Drama marathon because, why can’t I? I am not 5 anymore!

And I will be able to sing out loud this coming of age day theme song by Park Ji-Yoon! Hooray for “Adult Ceremony”!

Well, those stuffs are just some of many other good things that will come to me once I turn 20. No one can predict future precisely, but there is nothing wrong of hoping for good things, right?

Then I realize, how bad things will be later – just like what those articles floating on Internet tell me – they can not determine me of what I will be. 20 will be an amusing number, a year full of thrilling yet passionate adventure. I will welcome 20 warm-heartedly!

As for you, what does it feel like to be 20?